Practical Reflections

b. Reflect on your teaching practicum so far: What have you learned from your experience during TP? What kinds of challenges do you foresee as you develop as a Literature teacher in your specific school context? 

I actually have not seen much of teaching before I stepped into my practicum (and final posting, if I pass) school. To say that it is akin to being thrown into reality with the flimsiest bag of teaching tools is the closest I can come to articulating what has happened thus far. Yes, I have struggled, and I am still struggling, and as recent as Monday, I was called to the vice-principal’s office and told that I would “not pass practicum”.  

            I have no idea what is going to happen, actually (regarding that). The world of teaching is both fascinating and horrifying. My students are hyper and insane and we have a love-hate relationship. But I have a love-hate relationship with everything.

            I have learnt that the one trait that a teacher truly needs to have is that of fearlessness. (And adaptability/quick-thinking comes a close second.) Every day is a walk-in to a new audition, with fresh storylines and moody casting directors (the kids) giving you the evil (or adoring, depending on who I’m talking about) eye. I cannot begin to document the sheer amount of happenings that have taken place (and are still taking place) every single moment since I have stepped foot in the school. Even as I see my sec ones and sec twos (both express classes; they are my two main classes) every single day, the power balance and dramatic potential shift and morph drastically from day to day. I cannot begin to pin them down (as they do me, I am sure) even though we are on very intimate terms by now. I am on much Friendlier terms with the sec ones though. The sec twos… I am unable to speak/write about them. The lack of fear in my relations/presentation of self to them is not so much a declaration and reclamation of power, but the way I model myself as someone who is unafraid of their antics/bad behaviour, and hence able to successfully prevent a fight by standing in between two boys while the whole class was banging on their desks and chanting ‘fight, fight, fight!’ (This has now been relegated to being one of the Mildest incidents at this point of writing.) Fearlessness has been important, even up till today when one of my sec ones had yapped at me to chase after a rugby ball (I can’t remember why I’d agreed to play captain’s ball with them for Sports Day), and I’d obligingly done so, only to be pushed over onto the ground by a small, hurtling force from out of nowhere (their opponent). However, ever since the VP, the HOD, and my CT have spoken to me about my utter failure in classroom management, I have decided to slip No-Nonsense over Fearlessness.

            The importance of being No-Nonsense and firm has never been more necessary than in my implementation of a classroom management system. Being assertive would get the kids to listen to me (to stop pacing/poking/stabbing each other, to be more exact), and then I could carry on with my lesson plan. Hence my lesson plan comprises a proportionate amount of discipline to-be-done, which varies accordingly from class to class. The discipline contracts I had inked with the kids were a source of mirth for them (but since my CT liked it very much that I “delivered discipline with humour”, fine whatever goes), and also for my “discipline mentor”, the PE and Science teacher who faced the torment of one year of being the sec twos’ class mentor (otherwise known as form teacher) in 2012. My CT has assured me “they will stop laughing soon”, so okay, fine. Hence, the most important skill to have for Surviving Practicum, and not getting burnt out when you become a BT (I’m not sure about myself yet), is to have humour. To be able to laugh at everything, and nothing at all. And a story-telling ability, such that you can stay up till 2AM, not doing lesson plans but talking to your best friend about the things that have happened – part of a recalibrating and re-processing (from an other’s point of view) process. Ironically, I saw the funny side in everything and that was why I haven’t been able to be really angry with them, and to enforce consequences/ punish them. People get angry on my behalf, but I couldn’t see the seriousness of the mistake I was committing. And before that mistake kills me, I’ve to do a re-think of everything I’ve been doing thus far, and “start all over, afresh” (in the words of the HOD, who had me enact how I’d “deal with the sec twos” whilst she and my CT acted as them. I had wanted to stab my heart out and leave the teaching profession there and then. In relation to the enforced role-play, not the sec twos’ behaviour.)

            I am unable to say much about the “kinds of challenges [I] foresee as [I] develop as a Literature teacher” because I don’t think I’ll be/come a literature teacher at all. I’ll be teaching English if and when I return to the school, and the specific challenges for me are obviously classroom management and how to balance humour with severity. I do very much admire the teachers who have complete control of their classes and exude calmness from their very pores, in their dealings with the kids. But perhaps everyone has their own style, be it teaching or discipline.

            Even as I put on that front of being firm and fierce and no-nonsense, it is gratifying (kind of a relief, actually) to have that front called a bluff at the end of class, by one of the girls who giggled, “Ms Chng, were you serious? I didn’t know whether to take you seriously when you’re fierce leh!” more giggling, and followed by some boys who said, “we were giving you face, hello. If we didn’t give you face….”

            And I do know I can’t have people coming in to scold my students for me every time. While I figure out the logistics of how to get there, I hope to enlist the help of as many of the teachers as possible (the supportive staff culture at the school is one thing I am very thankful for).

            To be frank, it no longer feels a loss that I’ll be an English rather than literature teacher (M, don’t kill me) – the opportunity to incorporate elements of drama, poetry, and prose into my English lessons actually gives me greater joy (than teaching the 1 NAs only rhyme scheme for their unseen poetry component D: ). That’s for the sec one class, of course, the ones who obviously see me as someone better than I am. For the sec twos… I’ve to “manage” them, or I won’t be passing practicum.